How I Drowned & Lived to Tell About It - Part 3

The night that my husband spent in the ER after they shocked his heart back into rhythm seemed long.  The doctors wouldn't allow me to stay at the hospital with him and so I came home. And this cute, little, furry face greeted me and was my source of comfort.  She watched me pack stuff to take to the hospital the next day. Let me pet her and snuggle.  Was so nice to not be there by myself that night.

Always there in our times of need these pets are.  Lily had lived with me in that house which flooded too. It took her a while to adjust to the new house after we moved.

It was about a year after the flood that we found out she was very sick.  

Poor baby wouldn't even get out of her bed for a treat... that's when you know it's not good.  She had a condition that resulted in congestive heart failure.  Anyone who has ever given a cat a pill can relate.  We gave her one each day for a year...

And every day for a year I worried that each time I left the house she wouldn't be alive when I got back.

I remember snuggling with her on the sofa on her last night.  I didn't know it would be her last night. But it was still hard to make myself leave her and go to bed. Maybe sometimes we kinda know what we don't really want to acknowledge.  

This was a difficult blow because up until then nothing which was alive had been lost.

The house was destroyed, yes, but it was just possessions.  Things.  My hubby had given us quite a scare, but he survived. Each time I thought we were about to recover, something new popped up.  Some new form of drowning...

And I held my sweet kitty in my arms for the last time with my hubby by my side.

It's impossible to decide which way is more painful.  Knowing this will eventually happen and trying to somehow prepare for that day. Try to prepare for something you know you can't prepare for.  Or having it come out of the blue and smack you in the face.  Like a punch in the gut.  Like a flood slowly rising or a flame catching quick...there's no good time.  There's no good way. There's no good day...

So you decide that you can't... let these things control you.  The drowning... it consumes you.  It will take you down, down, down,...

And I always thought that I needed to swim to avoid the drowning.  Fight hard.  Stay strong.  Be brave.  Don't give up...

Which is exhausting...

There's only so long you can fight.  Just so much left to give. Not enough at the end of the day.  

But, how to stop this drowning...

The phoenix... it rises gracefully and then it is gliding. It doesn't struggle. It is graceful.

And there was something I learned from my fridge, the one in that flood.  It's such an ironic reminder. When the answer is right in front of you. Staring you in the face. No more struggle, no more kicking, no more fighting. No more wasting my energy... 

I learned how to...  
                           
float. 
.









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